O-Balm-Aah!!

The GOI thinks Obama's visit as a grand success but me thinks it was jinxed from the word GO.Firstly he made this trip durin Diwali,making it impossible for him and his security to differentiate between a cracker burst and a bomb so the entourage goes back with an impression that India is more riskier than Pakistan in the sense that bombs go off every now & then all over the place,no wonder his comments on Pakistan was no BALM on our Injured pride.The Men in black who protect him were wary of a secret tunnel from the Taj Hotel which leads to the sea(this bit of news they got from Headley) and so put him up there so that he could see those boats which come from across and slip throug the tunnel but they found out too late about its non existence.The suspected secret tunnel was just a large drain which dumped all the 5* shit into the sea in the good ol'days.Next he went to Gandhi museum before paying respect to MKG in Delhi,thats insulting,like freaking out in a party and greeting the host at the end.He did well not to mention the 'K' word but then he mentioned the 'P' word in such soft,melodious tone that it was like showing a red rag to a crazy bull or rather a lazy elephant in musth.It was all to see in the news channels.Finally the most telling bungling by his travel agents ,he revered Hanuman so our side suggested a Hanuman temple on his itinerary and the white house officials mistook it for Humayun's tomb on google earth!That dint please any of our Hanuman bakths especially after Ram had got the HC to clear 1/3rd of the encroachers on his property.So you see Obama's India trip was jinxed from the beginning.And finally an advise to all visiting HOSs please give opportunity to our media to ask questions like How was the Hotel?How do you like Indians?How do you like Indian food?Atleast that will divert their attention from Pakistan.Keep India a notch above Pakistan,only then you can call your trip as a defining moment in history .Mr President you have made our netas go OOH-AAH-OUCH now you need to get O-BALM-AAH .

Kalmadi's Speech at Closing ceremony.Leaked.

Dear sports loving people of India I have been asked not to address any dignitories by name as i am poor at names however there are some names i would like to mention like Madam Saina mmm sorry its Soniaji,see i got carried away by our popular sportspersons, Madam Sheila 'dick' err i mean 'shit'sorry DIKSHIT ji, When you booed during the opening ceremony the media mistook it to be directed towards me but after 10days of sporting action i have proved them wrong,if I had not messed up the preparations for the games would we have got all worlds attention, now even the non common wealth countries know about India's prowess in sports.Go on keep the booing going,let them here it.I have been accused of siphoning off the funds for the games but i'll tell you as i am originally from udupi,in kannada 'Kaali Maadi' means 'To clean' up and my surname is not derived from that phrase but i have lived up to it look how clean the game venues and villages are.I have not taken even a Rupee, yes I have loads & loads of Toilet paper printed like Dollar,Pounds and Euro currencies,I am an ardent collector of TPs and this has been reported by the media as illegally stashed cash.My officials say that more than 10 lac tickets were sold but Fennel says the number of spectators are poor ,naturally how can I explain to him that people have bought the tickets not for seeing the sports action but for collection as they dont know when we will get an opportunity to host any event in future,though i can assure you all that if called for I am ready with contigency plans for bribing ...i mean sponsoring training programs to countries that will support India for hosting olympics,its all in National interest and not personal gains. I thank all of you for making ConMan Wealth Games a success,thank you for booing at media,Delhi CM and offcourse Mani shankar aiyyar who is giving company to Princess Diana,hope he stays there.All of you raise and boo with me.BOOOOO.

UnSporting billion.

Fennel who just rescued the OZs frm a tunnel where they were being baked by our beloved ConMan Wealth Games organizer,just cudnt take the empty stands staring at him.'Get some crowd' he said.Yes i agree,me sitting here feel oh I wud hav been in one of those venues if I was somewhere in around Delhi!.Really would me??.Not if I have to take a diversion for security,not if I cant carry any personal requirements ,not even coins,how can coins be security risks,it is a huge financial risk to give up coins n not get it back.Wonder how much the collection is now,maybe it will be used to compensate the beggars who were put out of business during the games ,they are presently put up in some kinda resorts i guess as were the other beggars (buggers) of karnataka who beg for only votes before elections,they are enjoying days in a resort somewhere out of bengalooru,their crime,no not begging but bugging yeddy for ministirial posts.So Mr.Fennel when there is so much action elsewhere like Stone throwing in JK who wud watch shot put or discuss throw.When Didi's trains have made profit in spite of maoist and CPM hurdles who would come to watch Hurdles and steeple chase.When there is so many encounter killings all over who would like to go to CWG to watch shooters.School kids regularly carry twice their weight in their bags and you expect them to watch weight lifting,so boring.You dint get the Hint Mr fennel ,if you had watched the opening ceremony carefully it was a depiction of India's cultural diversity and what happens in the stadiums over 2 weeks is Indians daily chores,running,throwing,swimming (in water logged streets)cycling(dodging pedestrians,rikshaws,Buses)Shooting or gettin shot,Punching someone's face ( you call it boxing) wrestling haha its in our blood,ask mulayamji.So you see Mr Fennel we love our sports within the four walls of our abilities and not in some giant structure built yesterday and used before the concrete set.And offcourse When Ram got all his due Lakshman wouldnt be far away he made sure that OZs dint cross the Lakshman Rekha,but true to his sacrificing nature dint wait for the Man of Match or ICC awards,He is the unsung hero of our sport.Cricket.You hav cricket at CWG we buy ticket or we picket for water in a bucket (thats our routine).By the way your good friend Kalmadi can arrange for the crowds,just ask him to get his party friends(those still his friends)to organise rallies at each venue and see how the stadiums will get packed.Long live sports in India! its still better on TV clubbed in to 'HighLights' and presented by chicks.

'con'man wealth games

a lot of h2o has gushed down the yamuna after d expose on CWG,lot of thats yours thats 'mine' has happened in kannada nadu,minister katta's son has kept his fathers name high even as yeddi with no chaddi is fiddling as he burns his finger in the flames of revenge thrown by his frens n foes,so there goes the saffron first govt in downtown vindhyas.As Conman no 1 was booed and shooed away by delhites aussies mooed in a tunnel which made original cattle class traveller is having an extended HM.But the wave of the HAND by our lady prez as she declared LET THE GAMES BEGIN also declares how 'Con'man wealth games shud be treated by the slight of the hand,wiped off,brushed away.So wy the hell are we making a mountain of a mole hill,we hav been playing the CWG all along with records being broken by the hr.long live CONMAN WEALTH GAMES  by the indians,for the indians,to the indians.